It is eleven years to the day my shit went into the Seine. I bet you thought this post was about you? Don't you? Don't you!?
No really this isn't about you.
This is about Influencers and Muva's who go on brand trips and try to show us how it gets done. Now sis you haven't planned a thing, you didn't pay for anything down to your outfits and now you think we need to know how to get there too. We can't! I mean you can't either. You are going for a launch of some product that you may never use. You are going to Bali because it is cheaper to fly you and your friend girl out than to pay a marketing company to do an actual campaign. You are wearing a sponsored bag, that is empty of actual funds and bearding for a man who is tagging along for free food. You don't even like that food and cannot appreciate a branded spread because you don't do luxury anything in real life. You will yuck everyone's yum and order coconut shrimp, rasta pasta, overcooked lamb pops and chicken fingers if given the option (more on this later).
Yeah bish I am back and you don't like it.
This is about that one podcaster who got her feelings hurt and decided to see some world. However, she is seeing some length in her muni long by not paying rent like the rest of her followers. Seriously, while we were listening to her talking about nights in Accra and parties in L.A. she was living out of a bag. The bag being her ads on her podcast for things she doesn't have to buy herself like sheet sets, text therapy or microwaved food. There are platforms for sisters who want to housesit and couch surf. Most of those ladies are older and have options. We actually monatized this womans fall from grace. She sold us a wedding just to get divorced. She sold us sisterhood just to abandon her friends. She is now selling us travel when she is on a permanent trip. She is escaping real life and responsibilities living what we think is a dream. Is that it though? Jumping ship in the same sandals year after year but comparing everything a well traveled girlie would already have done and did to America and her struggle.
Oh and apropos.
This is about you midwestern, southern and or uncultured hermits who can't manage outside of the United States even with a smartphone and a zillion apps. Is it too much to ask for you to research where you are going before you get there? Nothing is more ick than reading another viral thread on the American who didn't know something while abroad. The American who didn't know tap water isn't free. The American who didn't know English isn't universal outside of Business and Education. The American who cannot figure out their door knob or light switch. The American who expects air conditioning even when outside and cannot not figure out why it isn't on. Do you know how bad our reputation is? The country with absolutely everything and no one can point out a country on a map or function without a fucking television. It saddens me but at this point I am so far removed I can say I am not American. Lately, no one speaks English to me or offers me an English language menu. I am very demure globally and I don't even associate with you loud throngs. I think they have Laduree, Paul, Intimissi, Primark and Lidl over there now so just stay there. No need to hold up the line here.
I will go in and let have.
Yes, you travel scammers.
Yes, you passport bros.
Yes, you flight layover skippers.
Yes, you butter and cheese smugglers.
Yes, you fashion is cheaper over there.
Yes, you going to China please buy my wigs and vendor list bitches.
Yes, you Ozempic/Wegovy we walk everywhere liars.
Yes, you chicklet veneers and BBL tourists.
Yes, you doo doo I am in Dubai habibis.
Yes, you fake polyglot drama club bad actors.
