Fuck Second Life

 

The biggest mistake and easiest lesson in life is going on a trip with someone you don't love. 

That can be friendship, platonic or romantic love - don't make it weird. Just have a bond that is admirable and respectable. 

But marriage is a trip...

Getting married and realizing after the fact that you are tied to someone for the rest of your life until either one of you dies. With that being said I personally have been through it and learned a lot. I do not regret the growth both experiences have given me ten fold. I do regret having to learn and grow in real time. In the same way, I made that trip appear to be a glorious journey with my best friend forever ... I have made marriage out to be fantastic when it is the polar opposite. I fucking hate being married. I hate the concept of marriage. I think it all needs to be revamped, repackaged and in order to get married you need to sign a waiver that discloses upfront all the pain and frustration you will ultimately go through. As much as I despise the human I traveled with, I pray her marriage is nothing like mine - and I don't pray. At this point, blogging and travel is my only escape from my reality and regrets. And right now I cannot do the latter now can I?

The only luxury we did have in this marriage is that we could travel. It was the pillar of us. Because we weren't tied down by children and those responsibilities we could jetset whenever we wanted to. Even with the addition of pets it is easy to offload silent creatures to in laws or neighbors and go. The pandemic killed all that and a recent move to true suburbia has also killed all privilege of having trusted petsitters. Now all we have is each other. And I don't want to cook another homemade meal, every single fucking show has been binged and I think I recently asked could we start playing card games. The boundness of it all has deleted any memory of our personal interests, hobbies or pastimes. We don't know how to be alone and we hate being together. We need children. But then again we don't really need them. We both enjoy our sleep and spontaneity. Listen, I am re-opening this blog just to have something to do. And trust I have a lot of shit to do as a housewife but I have truly lost my purpose in marriage. My identity is also waining and I am looking for an out that doesn't involve being alone. Today I unpotted plants and cleaned my bbq grill. It is getting very old, very fast over here. 

I would like to live vicariously through the single ladies who can escape. Through baecations where it is too early to think of feet patters and diamond rings. Through girls trips and luxury spa retreats. Through the young, invincibles going to Cabo and Tulum. I don't want to think about blinds, oxo pop boxes or table books for the remainder of my baited life. Maybe this too shall past either when the baby comes or the clock dies. But in the meantime we are stuck here watching everyone do what we can't. He probably doesn't care but I am obsessed with whatever comes next. Be the next. I'll have whatever you order. If I can't have it, I damn sure will write about it so someone else can.